just five minutes

nothing to do with this post, but just showing a pic from a little photo session i had with a friend's baby the other day.  tiny baby toes!

nothing to do with this post, but just showing a pic from a little photo session i had with a friend's baby the other day.  tiny baby toes!

if only i could take just five minutes once a week to post the highlights.  lest i forget.

but i've forgotten. and it's hard to find even five minutes to put together five sentences from five different thoughts.  

minute #1-here is one:

[setting:  kitchen at 4 a.m.  ben is getting a snack and then turns around to see {a} in the doorway]

B: (surprised) what are you doing out of bed?

A: the cauwl of pwawer woke me up. an my weggs wanna dance. (translation:  the call of prayer woke me up, and my legs want to dance.)

minute #2-homeschooling was a good decision for {s} and me, but i am exhausted and emotionally drained.  we start co-op next week and i hope it helps give me a boost of energy to complete this year.  and i hope that i didn't screw my child up too much.  school applications for 2015-16 have been submitted. and next year audrey is not allowed to be in nursery school here. what am i to do?  i really am glad we kept her home this year and it's been great having {a} home more often as well.  

minute #3-the girls and i have spent 3 months with my mom (1 mo in the states). it was such a blessing and i felt the freedom to get away and do errands on my own.  i also didn't feel the loneliness i often do during the day. she got to see our lives in action here in doha, and that is something that i will forever be thankful for.

minute #4-i am so uncertain of what i want to do with my life.  i often find myself feeling like what i do is not significant.  i feel worn-out and so empty.  i wish i had a clear vision of what to do next: work, continue to stay at home, return to school, etc. ben really wants to help me achieve my next goal, but i don't know what that is. God?  God? what is it you want me to do?

minute #5-i often find myself wishing this time in doha away.  and the sad thing is, when i do that, i'm also simultaneously wishing away my beautiful daughters' young childhood. and that makes me sad. 

oh heck, one more minute:

minute #6-there is a part of me that wants doha to work out.  i want to stick it out or find some way to really enjoy living here.  i've done a pretty darn good job of acclimating these past few years and i've really come around to liking many things about living in doha. there is just the issues that i expressed in minute #2 and #4 that make me feel...STUCK. the girls are at such a sweet age (yes, little sleep may cause me to be a bit delirious), so i want to be present with them. but i also want a realm of my life that's just for me (e.g. a job or school). i'm so lucky to have the choice to stay home, i'll admit.  so, ben and i feel it's best that the girls and i take a year-long furlough from doha.  a way to refocus.  allow the girls to attend the schools that we'd wanted them to go to when we lived back in pittsburgh.  yes, we're returning to pittsburgh.  ben will continue working in doha for part of that time. i'm relieved.  i also don't want to leave doha and say "see you soon" to people we love here who may not be here when we return in 2016. and right now i say we'll return in 2016, but that depends on ben's job i suppose. i'd like to. return that is.  but i need some clarity. 

that's that.  time's up.  guess i can do this in a more time-efficient manner.