Creating Space

Today a friend and I painted our little girl's first bedroom. As I am physically wiped out from the second coat of paint I find myself again reflecting on the day a little, and seeing the small metaphors surface of our changing lives surface.

Lisa and I went to go buy the paint, when we arrived in the store we realized we had left piece of paper with all the paint names we had picked out at home. I insisted we go home, get the paper, and come back because I wanted it to be perfect, just like we planned it and just how we wanted it. Upon returning to the home depot we found that none of the names matched up with the ones they had there, and a check of the computer system revealed they had none of our choices. Improvising, we worked together to pick out a new color from the available swatches. After a long day of priming, painting, and painting again, this color is perfect. I would not have wanted it any other way. I think within us we still carry a desire to have things go according to plan, on schedule, and to our specifications. Enter our daughter. She will never behave according to plan, on schedule, and I certainly do not want it any other way. She will wake me up when I am most deeply asleep; she will be happy all day, and then decide to start crying with no reserve in church; and she will look deep into my eyes and call my daddy, about 10 years before I think I am ready for that responsibility. Thank God life does not go according to plan.

As we maticuliously prepare a space for her in our home, painting the walls, putting together the crib, and planning shelving for diapers and blankets in her closet I think about the other things in our lives we will come to create space for her in. There is already a deep place in my heart ready for our daughter, a growing love for who she is and who she will be. We will create time in our lives to hold her, hurt with her while she teeths, and make silly faces that make her giggle.

We will create a family in this home. We will give her our family name, a name given to me by my father, and to him from his father. I will tell her our story. I will tell her about her greatgrandfather and greatgrandmother Collier who loved their children and grandchildren deeply, and the fond memories I have of Christmas in their home and working by my grandfather's side in the family restaurant. I will tell her about her greatgrandfather and greatgrandmother McDannald, and their incredible faith that has helped them through the hurdles of life. I will show her pictures of their wedding day, with him in his military attire and my small grandmother's big grin. I will tell her about her grandfather and grandmother, who have given their lives for their six children and made sacrifices for us all our lives. My father who taught me to ride a bike, shoot a freethrow, and to know how supply and demand works in our economy. My mother, who has shared many laughs with us all, who homeschooled us when times were difficult, and who made baskets of fudge and candy with us a Christmas time to give away to the neighbors. I will tell them about growing up with my five incredible siblings, and how she can count on them for anything. I will bring her to the dinner table to meet our family; she will be proud to be a part of this life we have built together, near or far, and I know they will be proud that she is a part of it.

While I still cannot fully imagine what it means to bring a life into this world, I know she will have a wonderful mother, and she will share her name with the most amazing family in the world.

"Tell my sister that I love her, tell my mother the same, always remember there was nothing worth sharing, like the love that let us share our name" - The Avett Brothers